Our Miracle Baby

We got an invitation in the mail Saturday to a NICU Reunion for Jake. Boy did that bring back a rush of emotions from the days in the NICU! It seems so long ago, but I can remember it like it was yesterday...

It was Friday, May 22nd and I was on bed rest. The specialist and my doctor had told me over and over that if I ever didn't feel Jake moving I needed to go to the emergency room right away. I hadn't felt him all day...I'd tried everything (eat a big meal, eat sugar, lay on my side, poke my belly)...still no movement. By the time Phil got home I was pretty frantic about it. We tried poking some more and still felt nothing. We finally went to bed but neither of us could sleep. We went to the hospital around 10 p.m. They hooked me up and monitored Jake's heart rate. For several hours it was steady. The nurse was literally on the phone with the doctor discussing my discharge when the thump, thump, thump of Jake's heart rate went to thump...(silence)...thump....(silence)...it was so scary. Just after that the nurse and doctor on call came in to tell us we'd earned an admission to the hospital for the night. Jake's heart rate dropped several times in the night and Saturday morning the specialist came to see me, did an ultra sound and suggested delivering him that day. 8 hours later our 2 pound, 15 ounce miracle was born.

Jake truly was a miracle from God. His little head was the size of a softball...everything about him was so tiny! It was hard to believe all his organs were not only inside of that little body but functioning properly!

Jake was born around 5:30. After a quick glance at him, he was rushed to the NICU. I saw my baby less than 10 minutes the day he was born. That was tough, but the trial had only just begun. On his second day of life, one of the nurses forgot to turn his isolette back on when he was put back in after he ate. He got really cold to the touch and his heart rate dropped several times throughout the night. We couldn't leave his side until it was back to a steady rate. We needed to be near him and know he was okay. On his third day of life, I was discharged. We spent the day in the NICU. I can't even describe what it felt like to leave the hospital...without our baby. I had dreamed of that day, prepared for it, and was so ready to bring him home! But that was not what God had planned for us. I literally felt sick to my stomach as we drove home that night.

Many well meaning people encouraged us that at least we could "get some rest." I wish we could have done that, but rest was the last thing we were able to do. I was up pumping every three hours in the night; we were up early to get ready and be to the hospital for Jake's first feeding; we spent 8 hours in a warm, dark room watching our baby in his isolette most of the time listening to monitors and babies crying; we went home after his last feeding, ate a quick dinner, made lunches for the next day, and went to bed for a few hours until it was time to pump and start all over again.

My lowest time came on Phil's first day back to work. I went to the hospital that morning to find a feeding tube in Jake's nose. The one thing Jake had always excelled at was eating...a boy after my own heart! :) So imagine my shock to find that the feeding tube had been put in again. What had happened?? His nurse that day, Pam, was equally as shocked. She had cared for him for several days and knew what a good eater he was. But, she encouraged me that setbacks happened and I needed to expect it. I held back tears but left to call Phil. I felt a little better and headed back to hold Jake while he had his milk through the feeding tube. Jake's cords often got knocked and a question mark would come up on the screen or an alarm would go off. The alarms were my biggest enemies...my heart would jump every time one went off. But on this day, the heart rate on the monitor went to "0." I yelled out for a nurse...my heart was beating so fast...I couldn't lose this boy who was so precious to me! Another nurse, Debbie Jo, came to my aid and encouraged me to look at Jake...who was staring up at me. He was fine. She was so kind to me. I tried to give him to her because I was so worked up, but she helped me to the chair and pulled up a chair right beside me. She wanted me to hold him. We talked a while before I put him back and went once again to cry on the phone to Phil. Jake would watch us with those big eyes through the isolette each night as we left to go home...it broke my heart every time. It hurt even more this night as I remembered that "0" on his monitor. I cried so much that night. I had only had him for a few days but I already couldn't imagine what life would be without him! That was by far my hardest day. Somehow God gave me what I needed to make it through those next days. He also gave me a supportive, logical husband to encourage this emotional, sleep deprived new mom who was already in love with her new baby boy!

Why did my baby have to stay in the hospital in an isolette with cords attached everywhere? Why couldn't I hold my baby whenever I wanted? I don't know why, but I know God was (and is) in control; and I know I have so much to be thankful for! He gave us a miracle! We are so thankful for the NICU, the incredible doctors and nurses, and the friends and family who supported us. One of the most important thing I learned was how I could help others going through similar situations, thanks to the many people who supported us and prayed for our precious boy. The visits from friends in the lobby of the hospital meant more than I can even begin to describe (they couldn't go to the NICU). I needed the break from that room so much...and to see a friend meant so much! The food people brought was amazing...the last thing you want to do after a restless night and a long day at the hospital is to cook dinner! The cards, e-mails, texts from so many people showing us their love helped get us through. The premie clothes that people (some people we didn't even know!!) gave us were so incredibly helpful! Jake had to wear several layers once he moved out of the isolette, so when he wet through (sometimes 2-3X/day!) :), we used a lot of clothes!

Jake is now a healthy, happy 14 month old. He hasn't had a fever or been sick (except for a cold) since he was born! He has a contagious personality and makes friends everywhere we go. You can't help but love this happy little boy! He never fails to make us laugh. We often wonder what we possibly did before him?? Thank you, God, for our precious little miracle!